Whether you believe it’s good, bad or ugly Blake Fielder-Civil loved Amy Winehouse and without a doubt, Amy Winehouse loved Blake Fielder-Civil in return. They were in love with each other but sadly they both fell under the spell of drugs and alcohol.
In this interview with Blake Fielder-Civil and New Magazine. Blake opens up about his troubled relationship with Amy, their drug addictions and why he’ll never stop loving her…
Blake Fielder-Civil: ‘Amy Winehouse is the love of my life’
In his first interview since divorcing Amy Winehouse, Blake Fielder-Civil reveals the truth about their drug-taking and rocky marriage…
We’re sat in a London pub on a baking hot afternoon, waiting to meet Amy Winehouse’s ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil.
As soon as 31 year old Blake Fielder-Civil walks in, it’s clear he’s on edge. He’s sweating and unable to make eye contact.
“I can’t take my cap off,” he mutters, barely looking up from under it. “My hair’s in a real state. I’m not too good in front of the camera, either. It won’t take too long, will it?”
It’s understandable that he’s nervous about our interview. Blake, who first met Amy Winehouse in a Camden pub six years ago, has been blamed for introducing her to drugs, and been labelled a “depraved junkie dealer.”
The north Londoner, who is now living in Sheffield with his new girlfriend, poses shyly for the photographer, uncomfortable at being in the limelight.
Thankfully, he is now drug-free, but it is clear how wounded he is from it all. Huge scars run up his arms from his days of self-harm. His teeth are blackened, his skin pasty.
As we sit down for the interview on the pub’s roof terrace, Blake relaxes, munching on a salad and smoking cigarettes, which are now his “only vice.”
Just a few weeks ago, stories emerged that Blake was back with his ex-wife, but they have since split up. She is now dating movie director Reg Traviss.
What with Blake’s recent stint in prison, a rumoured love child and alleged 30 phone calls a day to Amy, there’s a lot to talk about.
As he begins to tell his side of the story, new! can’t help notice how articulate he is – and he’s far more modest than we’d expected.
Here, Blake opens up about his troubled relationship with Amy, their drug addictions and why he’ll never stop loving her…
You were spotted on a date with Amy a few weeks ago, but she’s now got a new boyfriend. What happened?
We decided that we’d try and get back together but it didn’t work out. It was as simple as that. I was staying in Sheffield and I wanted to stay up there and Amy was in London.
So you didn’t have a big falling out?
No, not at all. She’s with someone else now and so am I, so it’s worked out well.
Did you start sleeping together again?
No. We just had dinner and spoke every day on the phone. But with the long distance, it just wouldn’t have worked.
You have Amy’s name tattooed on your neck. Will you keep that?
Yes, of course.
When did you actually break up for good?
A few weeks ago. Just before she started seeing her new fella, Reg Traviss.
Was there an overlap?
No. Amy wouldn’t do that.
Were you devastated?
No, I was really happy for her. People expect me to be upset, but the way I see it is that somebody I love is with someone really nice, so I’m really pleased for her.
Amy’s parents have slated you on many occasions. How did that affect you?
It made things harder for Amy than for me because they’re her family. I wasn’t blinkered about the opinions they had of me. At that time, I was addicted to drugs, and as far as they were concerned, this was their daughter and they were expressing their views on it. Whether I agreed with them and whether all the blame was rightly put on me was another matter. Perhaps they should have taken some responsibility for their own involvement earlier on and the situation might have been resolved.
Do you feel you unfairly took the blame a lot of the time?
When I was in jail, I was still being held accountable, when sometimes I’d been away from Amy for as long as 18 months. I couldn’t see how it was my doing.
Did your parents like Amy?
My dad’s always said Amy doesn’t have a bad bone in her body. She hasn’t. And they loved Amy. They just didn’t agree with certain things. My mum never really understood why I was vilified.
Where did you first meet Amy?
At a pub in Camden called The Good Mixer.
Was it love at first sight?
Yeah. We were best friends from the start. We were like brother and sister more than anything else.
When did things start going downhill?
As soon as Amy started getting recognised, more drugs started coming into the equation. That, coupled with the massive fame she experienced, perhaps made her indulge in certain choices that I made that she wouldn’t have in the past.
When did the drink and drugs start?
It started after a few years. At first, we both enjoyed having a good time, but there were no drugs. Amy had one bad year of it with drugs when she was at the height of her fame. People have got to remember that she’s come out of it and turned her life around when there were probably 20 or 30 people around her at some stage that would have had every interest in keeping her on drugs and made a lot of money out of her. Like me, she’s managed to come out the other side.
Do you think you made each other worse?
Yeah. At the time, we were so scared of being separated from each other that we didn’t trust other people’s motives. There was a lot of negative press being written about us – particularly me. We had people outside our house 24/7, shouting our names and trying to take photos of us so they could run a nasty story. You just end up imploding and drugs took that pain away.
Were you getting up in the morning and taking them first thing?
It wasn’t that rock’n’roll. There was no cocaine on cornflakes. It might have been spiced up as that, and people might have been stupid enough to see it as that, but it was very lonely, sad, depressing, mistrusting – it was just awful. You wake up and you’re poorly. Then you have to see somebody you don’t really like to pick up drugs, pay a massive amount of money and then perhaps you can function throughout the day. The nature of addiction is that you have to persevere in it, otherwise the physical sickness you get is unbearable. We did try and make wholehearted attempts to stop on a few occasions and went to rehab clinics, but it just wasn’t working.
What kind of drugs were you doing?
Class A drugs.
The night you were both running down a street with blood all over you, what happened?
It was a misunderstanding. I’d self-harmed, some blood had dripped down my legs and dripped on Amy’s shoes. There was some made-up stuff about her injecting between her toes, but it was rubbish.
Why were you self-harming?
Because I was on bail and I was going to be taken away from Amy. I was scared.
How did Amy react?
She got really upset. She didn’t want me to do it but it was a moment of madness. It was self-indulgent and a matter of not being able to vocalise how you feel.
What was Amy like to live with?
She was great. She’s actually a really good cook, too. She’s really motherly and a great woman to have around.
How was your sex life?
It was great.
Would you have liked to have had babies with Amy?
Yeah! It would have been amazing.
What was your time in prison like?
It is what it is. Every now and then I’d have a self-loathing fest on my own. I would sit up all night looking on the Internet at people’s comments about me. A Blake detest-fest! I found people’s comments really upsetting.
I’ve stayed away from Amy, I’ve never bad-mouthed her or her parents, I’ve never retaliated to anything that’s been said to me. But I’ve read stories from people close to Amy putting me down. I never went for any money from Amy. I might have done a few interviews, but I’m entitled to. I’ve never ever harmed her in any way apart from not being able to stop her from using drugs.
Do you ever believe what is being said about you?
Yeah. When I have these 24 hours of intense loathing, I speak to Amy as she’s my best friend. Occasionally, she reads it and is horrified. She read that she’d got a restraining order out on me and sent me a text saying how horrible it was.
So it wasn’t true?
Well, I haven’t seen any of the paperwork! I just want her to be happy with her new boyfriend.
So you’re off the drugs now completely?
Yes, although I was never a big drinker anyway.
How have you found staying off drugs – has it been tough?
At the start, it was hard. I have had a few lapses since recovery where I’ve fallen back into drinking.
How do you make sure you don’t relapse again?
I’ve got support. It’s good for me not to be in London.
Are you seeing anyone at the moment?
Yeah, I live with my girlfriend. I don’t want to reveal her name, though. We’d been friends for a long time. She’s helped me stay clean.
Have you and Amy met each other’s partners?
Amy met my girlfriend when we were friends and they got on really well. I haven’t met Reg yet, but I’d like to.
Do you think you would ever get married again?
Yeah, I would. It’s not like I got my fingers burned with Amy or had a bad experience. It may have looked like it on the outside, but it wasn’t. The divorce was purely about putting that era behind us. It was never anything more than a piece of paper to symbolise the end of drugs, trouble and strife.
How much did you get from the divorce?
How much were you entitled to?
I never asked. I didn’t want to know as I knew from the off that I wasn’t going to [ask for money]. I imagine a few people close to Amy probably jumped for joy and some people close to me – especially my lawyer – said I was an idiot! I didn’t want the many family members around Amy or others who put me down to be justified and say, “See, we told you – he’s after money.” It was her money and I would never have taken a penny off her.
How often do you see Amy?
Not very much, but we speak fairly regularly.
Do you think her health is still in danger?
No. She takes pride in her health. She texts me when she’s taking her echinacea tablets! She’s stopped smoking and drinking, too.
Do you think she’s at risk of slipping back?
Anyone that has suffered from addiction needs to be monitored and people need to be sensitive to the possibility of a relapse.
Does Amy still love you?
She loves me, but not in a romantic way.
Do you still love her?
She’s the love of my life.
Would you get back with her?
I don’t want to answer that as I don’t want to jinx my new relationship.
What are you up to at the moment?
I’ve filmed a documentary about prostitutes in Sheffield and the under-belly of our culture. I just want to go back to the country and lead a simple life away from all the cameras now.
People can point the finger and blame Blake for Amy’s drug and alcohol addiction, but there is no denying that Blake Fielder-Civil truly loved Amy Winehouse and vice a versa.
Watch Blake Fielder-Civil and Amy Winehouse’s love and life on this YouTube video below.